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FRIDAY 28th May

Here we are again...IT'S FRIDAY!!! Wooohooo!! The long weekend can start right now!! Bad news for you now, the weather is bank holiday mightn't be that good...Saturday is going to be a wash out!!...Just thought I would break that to you!

Thinking about going away this Bank Holiday?? Well my advise to you is don't fall asleep on the plane...I know it will be hard not to but a woman has sued an airline after she was left on a plane for four hours after landing when she fell asleep during the flight!! And you wouldn't want that!! But at least the women had a good nights sleep! Ginger McGuire, 36, was locked in on the United Airlines plane at Philadelphia International Airport after flying from Dulles International Airport in Washington. It is claimed that when the flight's cleaning crew found McGuire on landing they secured the doors before summoning federal officers to question her as a potential terrorist. United Airlines spokeswoman Sarah Massier said: "We are working closely with our partner Trans States Airlines to investigate the cause and remedy the situation with the customer."

McGuire's lawyer Geoffrey Fieger confirmed that his client would be suing for false imprisonment, infliction of emotional distress and negligence. When I go on the bus or I on long journey's with someone, I always say to that person "wake me up before we get there"...And they do!! Maybe that women didn't have very good friends!!

BIG NEWS coming through this afternoon, School-run mothers do not actually like at least six of the “friends” they bump into on a daily basis, a study revealed yesterday. It found the average mother makes 11 new friends when she has a child. Many of these are made at ante-natal groups and coffee mornings. So in plain England, when women have a child, they make more friends but some of the friends they make they really hate...If you get my point!!

But by the time her child starts school, she will already have a grudge against more than half of them. In fact, six out of 10 mothers said they had nothing in common with most of the people they socialise with. And four out of 10 said they would never have considered socialising with half of their “mum friends” if they had not had children. So there we go mum's...Thats something to talk about at the school gates with your so-called "friend" this afternoon!

Are you feed up with BUS drivers driving fast??? Well here is something clever now...A bus company in China has launched a new 'drive safely' campaign - by hanging big bowls of water next to their drivers. WOW!! What a great idea!! The Longxiang Public Bus Company in Changsha, Hunan province, says drivers must drive gently to avoid spilling any water. And if the water does spill, it would look like the driver has wet themselves. Bus drivers are expected to ensure the bowls are still full when they finish their shift. And the company warns drivers that CCTV footage will be studied to make sure they do not top up the bowls with water.

Thats it for today...The BIG BLOG will return on Tuesday because my fingers will be having the bank holiday off!! And it also allows me to be in the pub longer...Have a nice weekend!! Ooooh don't forget, I will be doing the EVENING SHOW still on MONDAY!!

Tuesday 1st June

PINCH PUNCH FIRST OF THE MONTH!! Welcome to the first of June readers!! And Welcome to another wet day here in the UK...Just so you know, the weather is meant to get better as the week goes on!! Soooo did you have a nice Bank Holiday Monday??? Mine was GREAT! Spent the day in Mid Wales with some family friends and drank too much tea!! Ooooh and the weather was good!!

Anyway, on with the blog! I think its time to recognize our Distracted Driver of the Day . . . 42-year-old Trena Fiels of Detroit, Oregon. And on Saturday morning, Trena was driving down the highway when she suddenly lost control of her car, veered down a 40-foot embankment, and crashed into a river!! Rescue workers showed up a few minutes later, and Trena was rushed to the hospital where she was treated for minor injuries and released...I am surpriced she didn't need to wait longer for Rescue worker because they like to take their time...Anyway, according to the police, the reason Trena lost control of her car was because she was trying to put sugar in her coffee while she was driving. YEAH, Seriously, this is true!! Soooo sugar can really kill you!! Make sure you don't start making hot drinks while driving!!

BIG SHOWBIZ NEWS NOW...Celine Dion is pregnant with twins!! She's 14 weeks along, and she and husband Rene Angelil will find out the sex of the babies next month. Celine and Rene already have a 9-year-old son named Rene-Charles, who was also born via in vitro. They'd been trying to conceive again for a while. Last year, Celine did become pregnant, but she lost the child in November. Just so you know, Celine is 42 . . . Rene is 68. So Rene is like a sugar daddy!! She must think that the older people are more experianced!

Men, are you feed up with getting down on your knee's asking that special question??? Well, here is something for you...A man-gagement ring: an engagement ring for a man! Women proposing to their boyfriends can now pop the question with a man-gagement ring. Around 10% of proposals come from women so a British jewellery firm produced the rings for the occasion! So there we go men, women can now get on their knee's with this ring!

Wednesday 2nd June

Here we are then...Middle of the week! The weekend is just around the corner...Where is this week going??? It seems to be going so FASTTTT!! Oh, good news for all the people out there who likes the warm weather, its meant to be returning towards the end of the week!!

Anyway, what is the strangest thing you have found while on a walk??? Well it's almost summer in Alaska and the tourists are arriving. And oosiks are popping up all over the place. WHAT ARE OOSIKS I HERE YOU ASK...Well, simply put, an oosik -- pronounced OOO-sick -- is the baculum, or penile bone, of the walrus and it is often as long as 24 inches!! Yes, what would you do if you ever found a penile bone??? I bet you're thinking of loads of things right now...Anyway, moving on...It turns out that once the walrus is done with it, there's myriad other uses for a 2-foot penis bone!! The bone can be used as rugby ball, Traditional Native Alaskan Tools are made from the bone...Poetry, and even a BEER is made from the bone!! EWWWWWWW!! Sorry if I have just put you off from drink beer!!

For all fizzy drinks lovers, here is something for you...A new coke machine has been invented...Its called "Coke Freestyle", and the machine lets you create a seemingly endless variety of flavors!! WOW!! How good does this sound?! So wave goodbye to that boring COKE AND LIME and say hello to your own mixture!!

This person has invented one drink already and they said "One sip of "The Red Wolf Blitzer", made by mixing Vault Red Blitz and vanilla Diet Coke -- and your face will literally melt off from sheer awesomeness." So, if you would love you make your own flavour Coke readers, look out for this new machine!! These machines are out in America right now!! But I expect they will be coming over the sea's soon!

Something for the men now...The co-founder of a 3D film technology company has suggested that pornography will be a key driver in takeup of new TV sets!! YES!! If those channels were in 3D, I will consider buying it...Philippe Gerard's French company 3Dlized is working with adult-content producer Marc Dorcel on a new project. Viewers reached out with their arms to the candies in the Haribo adverts in theatres," Gerard said. "When boobs pop out of the screen it's the same - people reach out to touch them." Dorcel's chief executive Gregory Dorcel said that its 3D output will be available to viewers paying a monthly subscription of €20-30 (£17-25). WOW!!! Where's the phone?!

FRIDAY 4th June

Hello World!! Friday is HEREEEEE!! Right, before we get onto the blog, I want to say SORRY because I completely forgot about yesterdays blog, so I am REALLY REALLY SORRY!!

Mobile phone are going green!! Because Mobile phone maker Nokia has launched a bicycle-powered charger. WOW!! The cable is connected to a dynamo which charges when the wheels turn. I know this better for the enviroment but I think just plugging a plug into a wall is much easier and you don't get out of air! Mind you, this could be good if you bike to work...You could charge your phone while on the move...The bicycle kit and a series of new handsets, with a standby battery time of up to six weeks, are aimed at users with limited access to electricity, the company said. Fancy one??? Yeah, I'm going to thinking about it too...I may be a while!

If you ever find someones old ring on the streets and you like it, don't try it on because it might be too small...And if you have an old ring at home you like but it is too small, don't force it onto your finger...Because you could end up like this person... Firefighters trained to search for earthquake victims were called in to free a man whose ring had got stuck on his finger. The man trying soap and everything to try and get it off but that all failed, so he phoned these firefighters... The specialist team was called in from more than 30 miles away to free James Bill, 42, from the £25 stainless steel ring.

Mr Bill, from Wolverhampton, thought it would be a quick job to cut off the ring given to him by 28-year-old girlfriend Sarah Maiden seven months ago. He strolled to nearby Fallings Park fire station to seek help after his finger began to swell and throb. Two hours and five broken saw blades later, they were no nearer removing the ring despite using ice packs, cold water and even a packet of frozen peas to reduce the swelling. Firefighters called in the technical team, from Bickenhill, near Birmingham International Airport, where staff are trained to deal with major emergencies. A crew rushed to the station on blue lights armed with a titanium blade which sawed through the ring in less than five minutes. So there we go, just becareful what you put on your fingers!!

Anyway, thats it for today and for this week!! The blog will return on MONDAY!! Have yourself a nice weekend!

Monday 7th June

Hellooooo everyone!! How was your Monday??? I must say, mines been good and a laugh...As always. But I must admit, I didn't want to get out of bed this morning...I mean who does on Mondays? I've been doing some SAD research today, I've been looking at sites with tips that could help you get out of bed EASILY! Here are some I read:
- Put your alarm clock in a corner of your room, where you'll have to get out of bed to turn it off when the alarm goes off.
- Place a damp towel by your bed and slap it on your face as soon as your alarm goes off.
- Put some M&M's or some chocolate coated coffee beans by your bed, so you scene pick up the smell as soon as you wake up and make you eat them.
- Andddd go to sleep your window and curtains open.

...So there we go, if you are having problems getting up in the mornings, there are some tips...If they don't work, please don't blame me...However, I have tried sleeping with the blind/curtains open and it does wake you up and get you moving...I'll have to try the others sometime...

Anyway, have you ever meet a fast eater??? Well I bet you have never seen someone eat this fast...The world's top competitive eater has reportedly reunified the pizza-eating titles after consuming 41 slices in 10 minutes. WOW!! That person must have a HUGE gob! Meet Joey 'Jaws' Chestnut, California-born, beat Chicago's Pat 'Deep Dish' Bertoletti in the Pizza Hut-sponsored 'Chow-lenge'. Chestnut said: "The best part is I get paid to eat. Think about it - that's probably one of the best jobs in the world, right behind rockstar and baseball player."

Bertoletti, who managed only 36 slices, added: "I don't really understand why people watch it, but I'm glad that they do. I guess it's exciting and it's kind of like a train wreck - you don't want to look away." Speaking before the pizza-eating 'unification' title bout, chairman of Major League Eating George Shea said: "In terms of sports history, this stands alongside Mike Tyson’s reunification of the heavyweight boxing titles in 1987." Why would anyone want to do that to get into the record books...That could make you ill...I suppose people like that don't worry about that...They just worry about the money they could get!

Sorry dieting people, but todays blog is most about FOOOOOD!! I'm sorry...Normal blog tomorrow! And now, here is something for the burger lovers...An Australian cafe has claimed to have made the world's largest ever beef burger...I won't be able to buy anything like this in McDonalds!Owners Joe and Iman El-Ajouz prepared the 90kg burger with an 81kg beef patty which was cooked for 12 hours and had to be flipped by four men. STEADY on ladies! The burger also included a giant sesame bun, almost 2kg of lettuce, 120 eggs, 150 slices of cheese, 2.5kg of tomatoes,1.5kg of beetroot and a special sauce. I bet you the person who went shopping for all this stuff had more than one trolley!

Tuesday 8th June

Hello my wet friends!! What a horrible last few days it has been...Its been grey, wet and dull!! Its like we all went to sleep the other night and we woke up in December! Apparently, our Summer weather is meant to be returning towards the end of the week!!

BREAKING NEWS to start of with, we are all going to get fat...Because sales of couch potato snacks have risen as hard-up families choose thrifty TV evenings rather than a night out, according to research!! So next time you are walking in town and you see a lot of big people, that is why! Purchases of nibbles have increased by more than 20 per cent in two years. Chocolate saw the biggest rise, soaring 66 per cent, followed by peanuts, crisps and biscuits. Mind you, I have started eating a lot of chocolate these days...Come to think of it, right here on my desk, there is the wrapper of a Crunchis bar!! Just so you know for Christmas, I love them!! NOM NOM NOM!!

I could do with another bar! An average household spent just over £272 a year on comfort food at the start of the recession and now that figure is almost £330, the survey found. So in other words, we are spending a lot of money on crap...WOOHOO!! Better than giving our money to the government I suppose!

Have you ever dreamed of having your own personal gym??? Well, you may already have one. Top personal trainers say anyone with children and a back garden probably has all the equipment they need to get fit and toned up this summer!! In fact, so-called “back garden gyms” can be superior to purpose-built gyms because they offer three-dimensional, functional training which ultimately involves more planes of movement. All you need is some imagination and you will be able to avoid eye-watering gym membership fees, spend more time with your family and get more sunshine. For best results, work out a circuit-training course, incorporating as many garden activities as possible and always check weight restrictions...Just in case! Here are some of stuff you can use in the garden to help you loose some weight:
- A Trampoline
- A Climbing frame
- Swing
- Slide
- Ball games
- Spacehopper

Those are just some of the stuff you might have in your garden, if you have kids, that could help you loose some pounds and get tanned!

You might have heard something in the news about Pink's tourbus catching fire...Well here is the lastest on that...Pink is denying reports that her tour bus caught fire in Germany yesterday morning. She posted a message on Twitter saying, quote, "My tour bus did NOT catch on fire. That story is so false it's almost entertaining." Isn't it lovely how people just make up stories about people!!

Wednesday 9th June

Hellooooooo people!! Welcome to the Daily Show Blog!

Here's some bad news for any high school kids who are hoping to get a job cooking French fries or selling sporting goods this summer. There's a guy with a master's degree who just took your job. According to the employment firm Challenger, Gray & Christmas, this is the worst summer job market for teenagers since 1969. There will only be 6,000 more jobs for 16- to 19-year-olds this summer than there were last summer, which is the smallest growth in 41 years. And the reason is obvious . . . lots and lots of newly-unemployed adults are so desperate for work that they're willing to take minimum wage gigs. I'm sorry kids, but its going to be hard this summer!! My advice to you is start being nice to your mum and dad and then they might give you some more pocket money.

Whats the weirdest thing have you Googled?? I once Googled "singing shoes"...But we won't go there....Anyway, there's a new website called SeoLol.net And it has one simple mission: Find the DUMBEST things people have ever Googled, and share them with the world. And here are the site's 10 best finds . . .

#1.) "Abraham Lincoln Gettysburg Address YouTube Video"
#2.) "Obama Gay Relationship With Music"
#3.) "Nigeria Investment Opportunities"
#4.) "Sex Addict Won't Have Sex With Me"
#5.) "Am I Bipolar Or Overachiever?"
#6.) "Anorexia In Cats"
#7.) "My Credit Score Is 593 Is That Good"
#8.) "Shampoo Lice Do Not Like"
#9.) "Robot Police Cars Like Transformers That Are Blue And White"
#10.) "Get Rid Of Friendly Ghost"
You can see more of these Google searches at: http://www.seolol.net So have you a look you weird Googling people!!

THE North-South divide still exists, official figures show. If you live in the South, listen up!! Britons in the South East, South West, East of England and London all enjoy better health than those who live in the North East, North West, Yorkshire and the Humber. Northerners suffer from lower life expectancy and higher mortality rates from cancer, respiratory and circulatory diseases, the Office for National Statistics report shows. So I'm sorry Northerners, but just keep that smile on your face! Northerners, it might be a good idea to move down South!

Thursday 10th June

Happy Thursday readers and welcome once again to the daily blog!! Now what has happened to the weather?! Where has Summer gone?? I wish it comes back soon because I am getting feed up with this rain now!!

Parents, do you let your kids play outside a lot??? Well I ask because Over-protective mothers are not allowing their children to play outside because they are worried about germs, a disturbing new survey has revealed! This sounds stupid but it is true believe it or not! Although they spent their childhood climbing trees, making dens and meeting their friends in the local park, today’s parents deny their own offspring these pleasures after concerns about cleanliness. Over -protective mothers, listen up...There are germs everywhere!! Even in the house!! And yesterday experts warned mums and dads that their attitude will have alarming consequences for their children’s future development.

There is a real risk they will pass their fears onto children resulting in a generation of nervous needy adults who may be less equipped to face the pressure of daily life, they said. Parents, if you are worried about germs, you need to go and see someone or just make sure you wash your kids hands when they come in from playing outside.

People who love History, you're going to love this...The world’s oldest shoe has been discovered “perfectly preserved” under a pile of ancient sheep dung. I bet it smelt when people found it!! Lets just say, it was a good job these people looked under the sheeps poo to see if there was anything under there...Tests confirmed it was made 5,500 years ago – 400 years before Stonehenge and 1,000 years earlier than the construction of Egypt’s Great Pyramid of Giza.

The small cowhide lace-up, found beside food containers in a cave in Armenia, was in such good condition because of the thick dung cover, archaeologists said yesterday. The droppings formed a solid seal over the objects “preserving them beautifully over the millennia,” said researcher Dr Ron Pinhasi, of University College Cork, Ireland. The shoe is a British size four. But it isn’t known if it was worn by a man or a woman...Looks like they'll have to do more tests on it!

If you missed the show last night, I talked about these news Wellies that can charge mobile phones. Mobile phone users need not fear running out of power at this summer's festivals thanks to the launch of wellies that can recharge your handset. The hi-tech boots convert heat created by the feet into an electrical current using a unique "power-generating sole". Orange created the wellies with the help of renewable energy experts GotWind and will showcase them at the Glastonbury Festival, which it sponsors, later this month. But I wouldn't buy these Wellies if you are going to be walking through rivers!

FRIDAYYYY 11th June

Good Afternoon Friday readers!! YES, the weekend is finally here and the sun is starting to show its face!! Thank god for that!! That bloody cloudy has been doing my head in!

Ooooh, people have been talking about the World Cup a lot today, so I am guessing it all started today...HOW BORING!! Anyway, moving away from the ball, here some important news...The National Grid is bracing itself for record-breaking power surges during the World Cup - but only if the competition ends in another England penalty shoot-out. The electricity network firm said it could see a 3,000 megawatt increase - equivalent to 1.2 million kettles being turned on at once - if the national team make it through to a nail-biting climax. A survey by the company found that despite the growth of big screen TVs in pubs, 71% of football fans would watch a final involving England at home or at a friend's house. So lets hope you have big pockets men because your electric bill is going to be more expensive!!

Would you like to sleep at a famous persons house??? Yes!! Well I'm sorry, my house isn't available but you could stay at the Obama's old flat... Barack Obama slept there - and you can too, for 1,899 dollars (£1,295) a month. A Craigslist ad has appeared for a New York apartment where the President lived when he attended Columbia University in the early 1980s. "Yes, live where President Obama lived!!!" the listing reads. "True story." People imagine that, you could sleep in a bed Obama slept in...Mind you, I wouldn't want to know what he's done in there...Ooooook, moving on!

Have you heard the 911 call where the woman says her emergency is that she needs a husband? If you haven't . . . you need to. Well last week, 57-year-old Audrey Scott of Alliance, Ohio, called 911 five times in one hour. The first four times, she quickly hung up . . . the fifth time, she started talking to the 911 operator, a woman named Christi Klimes.

See, Audrey had a major emergency. She really needed a HUSBAND. When she told Chritsi her emergency, Christi asked her, quote, "You're calling 911 to get a husband? Do you know you can get arrested for dialing 911?" Audrey responded, quote, "Let's do it." So a police officer went over to Audrey's house and arrested her. At the police station, she admitted she called 911 looking for a husband because, quote, "I had too much to drink." She stayed in jail three days on a class four misdemeanor. And, as of right now, she still doesn't have a husband.

The World Cup starts today, which means it's the start of another very brief love affair between Americans and soccer. And tomorrow, the U.S. plays against England. The three referees for the game are all Brazilian, and they're preparing for the game by . . . studying up on English SWEAR WORDS. Well it would come in handy! The refs have been studying a list of 20 swear words . . . so they'll know if one of the American or British players is cursing out of frustration . . . or cursing one of them out.

Thats it for today and this week my lovely reader!! The weekend is here, so I am off to make a nest in a pub!! See you on MONDAY!

Monday 14th June

Helloooooo Monday readers!! Soooo everyone is talking about it...The World is here!! Did you watch the England game on Saturday??? I missed it because of my afternoon nap but I did watch the German game yesterday evening and I tell, those bloody horns are doing my head in!!! Soooo I have now given up on the World Cup because I hate football and those horns are doing my head in!

Anyway, moving away from football now...I've got more important stuff to talk about...If you LOVE your nuts...Steady now...And you go on a plane a lot, here is some sad news: The US Government is considering whether to ban peanuts from being served on board commercial airlines. The US Transportation Department said concerns from travellers with peanut allergies prompted a call for public comment last week on whether the snack should be regulated by requiring peanut-free zones on planes or an outright ban.Advocates say restrictions would ease the fears of an estimated 1.8 million Americans with peanut allergies, which can be life-threatening. In Georgia, the top U.S. peanut-producing state, farmers are already fuming.

Armond Morris, chairman of the Georgia Peanut Commission, said growers feel they're being singled out over other food allergies. SOOOO SAD I know!

Have you ever wanted a nice shiny sports car but you just don't have enough money??? Well here's some good news, you MIGHT be able to afford this new car...An Austrian artist has created the world's slowest supercar from plastic pipes, foil and sticky tape. The Ferdinand GT3 RSX is the brainchild of Austrian artist Hannes Langeder who wanted to create the ultimate eco-friendly supercar. It took 1,000 hours to construct over the course of two and half years. The car features working lights and instead of a steering wheel there are handle bars.

Hannes says: "Having no engine not only reduces emissions to record lows, i.e. none, but leaves enough space for lots of trunk space." The car has even attempted a lap on the German Nurburgring, the infamous race track with no speed limits. Unfortunately the lack of a speedometer meant no accurate MPH reading and as for the lap time - a calendar would have been needed. Sounds cheap but it looks great and everyone would want one as soon as they see yours!!