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Tuesday 7th September

Happy Tuesday from a wet man...Thats me by the way and NO I haven't been doing anything rude! I was just caught in a storm...Christ the rain came down! I was going to stand under a tree until it stopped but I thought that wouldn't be such a good idea, in case some lightening hit the tree...And I was always told as a kid not to stand under tree when it is raining badly! OMG, I'm eating a packet of Chocolate Hobnobs while writing the blog...Seriously, there are no biscuits that taste like these! I would give you one but I don't think it will fit down the disc drive in the computer...

There's a new record holder for the shortest man in the world . . . and, believe it or not, it's not one of the cast members on "Entourage". 24-year-old Edward "Nino" Hernandez of Bogota, Colombia, was just certified by "Guinness" as the shortest man in the world. He's 27 inches tall, or two-foot-three. Nino weighs 22 pounds and, according to his mother, quote, "He hasn't grown since he was two years old . . . [and doctors] never gave us a diagnosis" to explain why he's so small.

The previous record holder for "world's shortest man" was He Pingping of China. He was 1.5 inches taller than Nino, and died back in March. BUT . . . it looks like Nino's a lame duck champion. There's a guy in Nepal named Khagendra Thapa Magar who is five inches shorter than Nino. Once he turns 18 next month, he should replace Nino as the record holder. Until then, though, Nino's living it up. He says he already has a girlfriend . . . an 18-year-old named Fanny who's just under five feet tall . . . and he's started getting some movie offers thanks to the "Guinness" notoriety. His only complaint is, quote, "It bothers me that people are [always] touching me and picking me up."

Now, you can't pick your nose or burp in public and get away with it, but for some reason people make OTHER etiquette mistakes every day and no one calls them out. Here are five etiquette mistakes you should never make again . . .

#1.) NOT STEPPING AWAY TO MAKE A PHONE CALL. The worst is when people do it at DINNER. But if you need to make a call during ANY social situation, you should go outside, or go to a different room. If you're standing in line at the grocery store, or sitting on a bus and you CAN'T step away, just be as quiet as possible.

#2.) ARGUING OVER HOW TO SPLIT UP THE CHECK. If you're with a big group and you're all on one bill, it's inevitable that someone won't chip in enough, and others will have to pay extra. So just be prepared to throw down a few extra dollars to make sure the waitress gets a decent tip. And if someone CONSISTENTLY underpays, bring it up later . . . not in the middle of the restaurant.

#3.) NOT GIVING UP YOUR SEAT. If YOU'RE sitting and a PREGNANT woman is STANDING, the laws of basic human decency say you should give up your seat . . . even if you had a tough day.

#4.) ACCIDENTALLY DOMINATING CONVERSATIONS. When someone tells a story, ask follow-up questions. Most people tend to respond with some version of, "Okay, now here's how your story applies to ME."

#5.) GROOMING YOURSELF IN PUBLIC. If something's stuck in your teeth, deal with it behind closed doors. And even if you're just sitting in your living room with a friend, anything you'd normally do in a BATHROOM . . . like clipping your fingernails or cleaning your ears . . . SHOULD be done in a bathroom.

Good god this blog took a while to write...I must remember never to bring Chocolate Hobnobs into the office again!

Wednesday 8th September

Greetings you and welcome to Wednesday's bog...I love Wednesday's because its not long until the weekend! If you are bored of this week already, just keep thinking to yourself that the weekend will be here soon...Now who left the freezer open this morning??? Good god it was cold out this morning...I even wanted to stay in bed in the warm...It feel like a Winters morning! Not long until Winter now...JOY! Today is not any other Wednesday, today is National Pardon Day...What?? Yeah, ser-ASS-ly, it is!

Its not just us humans that likes our food...Orangutan's do too! Meet Oshine, the overweight orangutan: She's been put on a healthy diet after becoming the fattest primate in Britain, meaning no more sweets or goodies for the podgy primate. I wonder what she thinks of that...I bet you any money that she would smoke 20 a day if she could...The obese orangutan is the latest addition to Monkey World Ape Rescue Centre in Purbeck, Dorset and she's an attraction worth weighting for. Oshine weighs in at 100kg - double the bodyweight that she should be registering - and experts reckon her lifestyle as a pet for 13 years in South Africa is the reason behind her obesity. So humans take note, if you go to South Africa, you might put on weight...I didn't know there are loads of Takes Aways there...You learn something new everyday!

Her new diet will include plenty of fruit, vegetables and lots of monkeying about, exercising, rather than sweets and unhealthy foods. Monkey World director Dr Alison Cronin said: 'Now that she is at the park, we have her on a healthy diet of vegetables and fruits and she is getting a lot more exercise climbing through the specially designed, two story orang-utan crèche.' I wonder if she is suffering from Wind now...Because healthy tends to give me wind...I don't know if it does for anyone else...

WARNING...Content of porn coming up...

I didn't know this but apparently you can buy PORN pens...Well Well Well! Oh justy so you know, I don't know where you can buy them from, so carm down teenagers! But the German Communist party mistakenly handed out 'porn pens' to kids on their first day of primary school. Ha! I wonder how many of those kids knew what the pen had on it...You see some kids just aren't educated enough now-a-days! Children at the Adolf Reichwein school in Essen were given the traditional cardboard cone filled with sweets - and as an added bonus - pens that projected erotic images. Members of the German Communist Party handed the cones to the children on their way to their first day at school.

A number of angry parents who discovered that the pens could project erotic images of women complained to school authorities. The German Communist Party stated that the pens were purchased from a discount store, which had told them that the pens simply lit up at the push of a button. 'The German Communist Party deeply regrets what has happened and is outraged that this kind of thing, which borders on pornography, can be purchased in normal shops.' I want to know ONE thing...Where did they get these pens from...??? Oh, the party has since offered to exchange the pens for more suitable gifts, and is now investigating whether the vendors can be prosecuted. Who the hell is going to want to exchange them???

Thats if for today grooverssss!! Hope you enjoy the rest of your Wednesday and make the most of the sunshine!

Thursday 9th September

Happy Thursday!! Oh I love Thursday because its means that we're getting closer to the weekend...And if you are a Paul O'Grady fan, he returns to our TV's this Friday night on ITV at 9pm. Now today is a sad day in Soap land and for people who watch all of them because Barbara Windsor will be showing her face for last time tonight on EastEnders...I know...Soooo sad! I'll miss her and I personally think the programme won't be the same without here...There is going to be a fire in the Vic tonight, but I'm not going to say if she dies or not...You'll have to watch it tonight! Oh and make sure you have some tissue's to hand...I bet you any money I'll carry!

If you are trying for a baby, STOP! A new study out of England finds that having a kid is a great way to become DEPRESSED. In the first year of a child's life, one out of three mothers suffer from a period of depression. So do one out of five fathers. A lot of it is brought on by stress and a lack of sleep . . . but sometimes, the depression comes because you feel overwhelmed and unhappy, and THAT makes you feel EXTREMELY guilty...Soooo yeah...Maybe its not a great idea to get down to it without protection tonight...If you already have kids, well I bet you're depressed all the time now...

I love going to Cinema's BUT I just think there are too many adverts at the start of the film...Argggg! I hate them! But a clever woman in China has sued a cinema and the distributors of the movie Aftershock for wasting her time with adverts. I love this women! She's doing my job for me...Thanks love! Chen Xiaomei claims the Polybona International Cinema and film distributors Huayi Brothers Media Corporation should have told her of the length of the pre-movie commercials. In my local Cinema, they use to show alllllll the ads, and then they would stop and the Cinema workers would come out with ice cream...Arggg! All I wasted was the film to start!! And that is why I don't go to the Cinema anymore...I wait until its out on DVD, so I can get rid of the ads just as fast!

Porn can cause so much trouble...And here's why...A shopper has sparked a punch-up in a German sex shop after trying to return a gay porn film that he did not enjoy. The unnamed man had asked staff at St Pauli's Mystery Hall Sex Shop for a full refund but was refused, Croatian Times reports. He then returned minutes later to punch one employee and steal the equivalent of £350 from the shop. Police are using CCTV footage of the incident to find the man. Sooooo...Yeah...Just becareful when you are dealing with porn!

Friday 10th September

HOWDYYY!! I am pleased to say that the weekend starts right now...And the weather is rubbish!! But don't worry, it is meant to get better towards the end of the weekeng, with high pressure coming in! Yeah, I could make a good weatherman! What a day today has been where I've been...Rain, Rain and oh RAIN! Stupid stuff! But I was talking to someone today and they said to me that the rain is good the garden...I was thinking in my head..."Yeah so is Sunshine..." Arggg!

Right, enough with the moaning...London may have had the Sky Ride, but Philadelphia went one step better - or, at least, nakeder - as hundreds of nude cyclists rode through the city last Sunday. Lets hope the weather was nice over there...Otherwise things would have got smaller...Just saying! The throngs of naked and partially-naked cyclists took to the streets for the second annual Philly Naked Bike Ride in an effort to promote bicycling awareness and cleaner air. And certainly, it's hard not to be aware of bicycling when hundreds of naked cyclists are bearing down on you. I don't think I'll be up for riding a bike naked...However I might in the bedroom...Oooooerrr!

Some of the riders went completely naked, while others covered up slightly with underwear, swimming costumes or elaborate body paint.
The cyclists rode over a pre-planned route of several miles through the city at dusk on Sunday evening. Well at least some people covered their parts up! And the reason why they did it in the evening is because it will be getting dark and children won't have to cover their eyes! This was the second year that the Philly Naked Bike Ride took place, and similar events have taken place in over 70 other cities around the world since 2004. Now why doesn't anything like this happen here in the UK??

Whats the weirdest things you grow your veg or flowers in, in the garden?? My Nan uses her old tights for somethings...But it gets worser because Fruity farmer Rowie Meers is proudly showing off her melons after using bras to grow the fruit on her farm. Well at least the bra's are sort of being used for their main use...Oh, hang on...We're talking about the other Melons here! Oooops! Meers, 45, asked customers at Purton House Organics to donate their unwanted underwear to support the melons after discovering they were hanging too low to flourish. She now uses over 40 bras to hoist the fruit from the ceilings of her farm in Swindon, Wilts, and claims the bigger the bust the better, reports Rex Features. Rowie said: "We had such a fantastic crop of melons and I was struggling too stop them swinging to low. We needed something to suspend them." Well lets hoped they're washed fully before she goes and grows something in them...

Wouldn't it be a pain to have magnetic hands...Well I think it would...Anyway, a Serbian schoolgirl has amazed medics with her astonishing magnetic hands. AMAZING! She's a ALIEN...EVERYONE RUNNNN!!! Ten-year-old Jelena Momcilov has been picking up cutlery, coins and even metal furniture by just touching them at her family home in Zeljusa, since she first discovered her powers five years ago. Now experts at nearby Nis University have urged scientists to investigate...Hang on experts, but Scientists can't...Because they're always busy doing stupid reports!!

Right thats it me done for this week!! Hope you have a nice day and make the most of the Sunshine we're meant to be getting on Sunday!! Talk to you on Monday!

Monday 13th September

Hallo! Bonjour! Pnawnd da! HELLOOOO! Welcome to another week and another blog! Well what a cold cloudy windy day it has been today...I think the man up in the sky has got a bit of gas today...I had that on Friday night...Good god chicken from the chippy gives you wind! It goes through one end and out the other...Hell I never stopped all night! Come morning my tummy felt like it had more gas in there to let out...Anyway, enough about that! What a way to start today's blog! Well Well Well! Back on air tonight from 7pm and if you love your coffee, I have got some bad news for YOU! So make sure you listen to the show from 7pm tonight!

Famous people can get away with anything! I say that because JUSTIN BIEBER can get away with a TON of stuff REGULAR 16-year-olds can't . . . and now, there's something new to add to that list: Throwing water balloons at cops' CROTCHES. (!!!) Yes, it did happen . . . although he almost DIDN'T get away with it. Justin was throwing water balloons around backstage before his concert at the Maryland State Fair last Sunday. Specifically, he was targeting the CROTCHES of some of his crew. But then he made the ill-advised decision to target some Maryland state troopers, who were there for crowd control. Justin hit one of them in the stomach, but the balloon didn't break. He hit the other in the belt, and it broke . . . soaking his crotch. Supposedly, the cop was NOT happy about it . . . so Justin ended his balloon-throwing, and went back to his trailer.

Meanwhile, Justin's bodyguard smoothed everything over with the cop. A Maryland state police spokesperson said Justin's behavior was, quote, "inappropriate" . . . but said that the officer did not file a report, so no action will be taken against Justin. If there WAS any chance of repercussions, it doesn't sound like Justin took it that seriously. After the show, he Tweeted, quote, "Still laughing. GREAT DAY." Do you think the Police should have fine Justine or something??? Well they would have if it was anyone else!

Sometimes I just think the people who made teddies aren't all there...Because a German toymaker is selling a range of soft toys, each of which has their own psychiatric disorder. The toys range from Dub, a turtle who suffers depression, to Kroko, a crocodile with an acute phobia of water, as well as an hallucinating snake called Sly and a sheep called Dolly who has a personality disorder. Hang on a sec...How can a blooming teddy have a personality disorder??? Oh someone please give me strength!

The toys are made by 36-year-old Martin Kittsteiner, of Hamburg, who says: 'It started as a bit of a joke with my girlfriend, who has lots of soft toys, and then we thought there could be something in the idea.' He added: 'Children and grown ups like their vulnerability and find something in them that gives them a great sense of comfort in helping to heal them.' I think some adults see it as a form of therapy for themselves.' The cuddly toys are sold from the parapluesch.de website - styling itself the Psychiatric Institute for Abused Cuddly Toys - where customers can also play an online game as a doctor trying to diagnose the toys' problems. What ever next?!

I hate those health and safety people! They really do my head in! The new thing is that Apple trees have been given the chop – after their falling fruit was deemed dangerous! I have a dangerous old tree in my garden...No-one wanted to know about it so we're just waiting for it to fall over! Anyway, ‘They were only tiny apples and when they did fall, I used to sweep them up,’ said upset 80-year-old Jose Williams, whose landlord cut down the plants near her home in Scarborough, North Yorkshire. The housing association complained that crab apples on the quiet residential street were a 'possible trip hazard' and ordered workers to chop down six trees. Next the enviroment will be saying plant more trees...Well how can we when councils keep getting rid of them!

Right, rant over! Thank you and Goodnight! x[/i]

Tuesday 14th September

Howdy and welcome to another grim Tuesday! What has happened to the weather?! Thanks to the weather I need to now buy a new bird table...Does the person up there think I'm made of money??? I mean seriously! I have a tall wooden bird table in my garden but in yesterday's strong winds, it snapped and fell over so now I need to get a new one from somewhere...Tell you what, the birds won't be too happy, however the mice might...Because everything that was on the table is now on the grass! OMG! Christmas is nearly here...I went into Sainsbury's this morning to get the papers and I saw some Christmas stuff in there!! God time fly's when you get older!

Right, someone is having a laugh here...I'm sure they are...Because a Penguin records and releases debut single...APPARENTLY, this is true...Ricky The Rockhopper is set to take the world of snowbusiness by storm with his unique brand of squawk ‘n roll. Now I don't think I'll be playing his music on my show anytime soon...Memo to the world’s rock gods: You’d better p-p-pick your game – because there’s a new, very cool kid on the block. The performing penguin has teamed up with British band GU Medicine to record rock number Ice Cold. And in true diva style, Ricky would only lay down his lyrics from the comfort of his own home – meaning the band had to leave Strongroom Studios in Shoreditch, east London, for rocking Ricky to apply the finishing touches from ZSL London Zoo. Hang on...Can someone throw something at me...Because surely I must be dreaming...

Do you have problems identifying cats? Do you often find yourself staring at pets thinking 'I have no idea if that is a cat or a dog or maybe a terrapin'? What you need is a cat that actually has the word 'cat' on its fur...Ten-week old kitten Polly has the perfect answer to any feline ambiguity - markings on her left side that helpfully spell out the word 'cat'. Indicating that she is a cat, which she is. Awwwwww! But at least we now know why she looks like a cat...Amazingly, they didn't actually spot the fact that their new cat had the word 'cat' on it for three days - only noticing it when they were commenting on how symmetrical her other markings were.

Although possibly that's because they were already pretty confident that she was a cat and didn't feel the need to double-check. 'Once somebody points it out it is obvious – the word stands out a mile,' noted Mr Marsh. Now thats what I call CUTE!

Seagull's can be a real pain in the backside...They nick most of your Fish and Chips at the seaside, they make a load of noisey and they are mean!! Now don't tell anyone I said this...Lets keep this between you and me...I was at the seaside a few years back, walking down the beach and then all of a sudden, I felt something hit my head...No it wasn't a rain drop because it was sunny! But YES, a seagull pooped on my head!! I mean how horrible!! So what did I do...Well I jumped into the sea to wash it out! Now, if you thought that was bad, here's something for you...Shetland, while she was eating chips. Jill Newman, 38, was walking in the area with her mother Betty Keegan when the incident occurred...

Newman said: "It was just the last thing you'd expect when you're walking along eating a pack of chips. I felt something scrape my head then saw it bounce off and hit a shop window. I couldn't believe it when I saw it was a budgie." YEP, someones pet!! "It was scared - and no doubt relieved not to be seagull food - and flew on to the castle walls of Fort Charlotte." She added: "The whole situation must have looked a laugh. A crowd gathered in the high street and eventually we managed to coax it down from the walls. When we got it down we were relieved but I got a few good nips on my fingers for my trouble."

The budgie, which was domestically tagged by a previous owner, was "very traumatised and shaking" after the incident, Newman added. Named Angel by Keegan, the bird is now living in Aberdeen with a friend whose own budgie recently died. Awwwwww! So maybe it isn't sure a GREAT idea to have a budgie when there are seagulls around!!

Wednesday 15th September

Afternoon Mid-week readers! I am happy to say that today's blog comes to you with a cup of coffee...I'm so tired today...I'm glad it is Wednesday but I would be even more happier if it was Friday...But hey! So the weather seemed to be a bit better here today. But COLD! And according to the weather people, it is meant to get even colder! OH JOY! This cold weather is slightly reminding me of Christmas last year...Anyway, ENOUGH ABOUT CHRISTMAS! Its still 102 days away!!

In further proof that some people will go to great lengths to break world records, chefs in Italy have attempted to break the record for the world's longest table - servig lunch on a table over a mile long. Ahhhhh...The things people will do to get into the record books...I mean seriously! The 1,760 metre-long spread was laid on in Bosco, near Parma in northern Italy for 2,700 diners - and the record bid is now being examined by Guinness World Records officials. As well as the table itself, which ran for over a mile through the sunlit countryside from Bosco to nearby Borzano, the dinner also required a tablecloth 1,800 metres in length. Impressively, the whole thing was set up with just 20 days planning, after a bet between friends took on a life of its own.


'We wanted to organise a really special lunch, and we'll give all the money we raised to the local hospital Madonna dell'Uliveto,' said organiser Laurenti Marastoni. 'It was a great lunch - even if the waiter service was a little bit slow,' commented one rather picky guest. God some people do some odd things to get in that book...Its only a book people!! Oh yeah, I remember trying to break a record live on air once...I failed remember...But we won't talk about now! Not enough time! Hehehe!

Here's the PLONKER of the day! Burglar Anthony Gawthrop made life for police rather easy - he dropped his phone at a house he broke in to, then texted them to get it back. *BANGS HEAD ON A WALL* I mean seriously! Little kids, please note, doing something like this will get you into trouble, so pleaseeeeee don't do anything silly! Please listen to Uncle Thin Casey! After the brainless 24-year-old had nabbed a lap-top from a Cambridge property, he discovered his phone was missing. Wondering where it could be, he sent a threatening text message from a pal's mobile that read: ‘Whoever has got my phone better give it back.' And readers that sort of proves that this man didn't want to spend any more money on another phone!!

Unfortunately for him, officers of the law had his handset, which they found at the crime scene. The device contained several photos of Gawthrop, which investigators recognised from his previous three house-breaking convictions. Handcuffs beckoned. I bet he won't be doing anything like that again!

If you want to make your brain better than it is now...Well here's something for you...Tranquil environmental scenes, such as the sea or a beach, can positively affect the human brain function, according to research published. Scenes containing natural features cause distinct brain areas to become "connected" with one another while man-made environments, such as motorways, disrupt the brain connections. The research could have implications for the design of more tranquil public spaces and buildings, such as hospitals. The research, which was published in the journal NeuroImage, uses functional brain imaging to assess how the environment impacts upon our brain functions.

Thursday 16th September

Happy Thursday! And its lovely here in the West Midlands weatherwise! The sun is out and the skies are clear...But if you do have rain outside right now...Well I'm sorry but could you keep it there! You're gardens need it more than mine! Mahaha! Anyway, 100 days to go until Christmas and I can slightly tell that Winter is on its way...Because I have developed a sore throat and I'm sure that will make a cold soon...Arggg! I hate this time of year! Now why hasn't anyone found a cure for the common cold yet?! What are those people doing our council tax?! I mean seriously!

If you love your SEX SHOPS, this is for you...A German sex shop chain has expressed hopes that new 3D technology will help boost sales in the sector. Beate Uhse's chief operating officer Serge van der Hooft told Bloomberg that the extra dimension could halt a four-year decline in its DVD sales. Van der Hooft said: "We will definitely invest in this business. The sale of erotic movies on DVD fell within a few years from top to flop because of the surprisingly fast emergence of free porn on the internet." The shops have added 3D porn James Bond spoof Octopussy, which stars stars Danny Mountain as James Bone, to their current range of movies. The company is also hoping to expand its product line to include skin creams and bath towels. So soon, watching Porn will never be the same again, because boobs and other parts of the body will be popping out of the TV! I bet a lot of you male readers are getting excited now!

Wild animals are DANGEROUS!! Seriously, they are! A ram smashed through the glass patio door of a Lancashire couple's home and ran wild, causing thousands of pounds of damage. It butted the oven door, knocked over a flat screen television, smashed up furniture and ruined rugs, carpets and tiles. It had escaped from a nearby field and a farmer gave chase but was unable to stop the ram. Ram's are fast animals you see...It is believed the animal, worked up because of breeding season, charged at the patio door after seeing its own reflection in the glass. I do the same sort of thing everytime I look in the mirror at home!

BEWARE!! You never know you MIGHT be WATCHING YOU in your bathroom...And before you say, NO, I haven't been around to your house installing cameras! But, a family abandoned their bathroom fearing it had been possessed by the devil after an image of Satan appeared overnight - in a tile. YES! Apparently this is true...Laszlo Csrefko spent a fortune renovating the room at the family home in Bekasmegyer, Budapest, with a new bath, shower and tiles. But after taking her first shower, horrified wife Andrea, 47, fled from the bathroom when she spotted the horned head of the devil in one of the tiles. OMG!! What are women like! She said: "I was naked coming out of the shower and I could suddenly see his eyes staring into me. I just screamed and ran."

Husband Laszlo, 52, explained: "We can't clean it off and it wasn't there when we put the tiles up. It just appeared overnight and nothing can move it. The room is always ice cold no matter how high we turn the heating up and we've just stopped using it because it's too spooky. We wash in the sink downstairs now," he added. OMG! Now thats what I call spooky!! Now the couple are planning to call in an exorcist to cleanse their bathroom of evil spirits. I don't blame them...I think I'd do the same!

Friday 17th September

Hellooooooo! If you've had a rubbish week, put up your feet right now and smile! Because the weekend is finally here! And I'm currently in day 2 of having a sore throat and I'm feed up with it already! If you know any good ways of getting rid of a sore throat fastly, please could you email me: casey.floyd@mtjr.co.uk thank you! Oh and yes you can come and give me a rub if you want Ladiesssss! I'm free tonight!

Right, there is now a new WORLD'S SMALLEST COW...A cow from Yorkshire who measures just 33inches high has been officially crowned the world's smallest cow by Guinness World Records....Awwwwww!! So basically, you could have this cow as your pet, instead of a cat or dog! But, just so you know, Cows break wind a lot!! Anyhowwwww, Swallow the cow, who hails from Rishworth, West Yorkshire, measures a titchy 0.8m (33inches) from hind to foot eanring her a place in the new book of Guinness World Records 2011. Swallow's delighted owner, Caroline Ryder, said: 'Celebrity does not sit that well on Swallow's shoulders. She'll spend the day where she's happiest, in the middle of the herd grazing, or in the cowshed listening to Radio 2, her station of choice.' OMG!!! I can't believe she'd listen to that crap station!! MTJR is better Cow! Or as I should say "mooo moooo moo!"

Kids, Do you hate the School assembly?? Don't you just wish something interesting will happen in??? Well in a school in Watertown in America, something interesting did happen...A school assembly in Watertown, NY was reportedly interrupted by the sounds of pornography playing over a public address system last Friday. Oooooooo! Now why do these things always happen in American Schools and never here?! The incident occurred during a "get acquainted" event designed to let grade 7-12 pupils meet new principal Lisa Parsons.

Parsons described the "unfortunate incident" as "shocking". She added that it had "upset people" and that she is "deeply concerned about the children". The student responsible for the prank has reportedly been identified and, while Parsons claimed that no action has been taken, other sources suggested that the pupil had been expelled. Mahaha! I wonder if the teachers liked it...Maybe I shouldn't of told you that story because you'll go away now and do something like this on Monday...Oooops!

What is faster, the office broadband or a Pigeon??? I know what I would say...But anway, a carrier pigeon won a race with a rural broadband connection to see which could send a video between two counties the fastest. Well I bet that wasn't a hard thing to do...Well done Pigeon! I think that every house and office in the country should have free super fast broadband...NO! Not so we can all download porn videos fast!! Christ, what are you like! So what do you think?! Rory the pigeon carried the five minute video loaded onto a computer memory card from Beverley in East Yorkshire to Wrangle in Lincolnshire. At the same time as Rory took off, a computer in Beverley started uploading the same video onto the internet.

The pigeon took about 80 minutes to make the journey - and landed while the computer was still uploading the video. Campaigners organised the race to highlight rural broadband problems. EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE SUPER FAST BROADBAND!! Michelle Brumfield said: "The issue is so widespread some areas are being called 'notspots' - as in the opposite of hotspots."

Rightio, thats it for today...The blog will return on Monday...Have your self a nice weekend!

Monday 20th September

Good God! Where did the weekend go?? I was busy on Saturday...I had a good clean around the house and then I did a disco in the evening and then on Sunday, I spent most of the day sleeping...When you're asleep, time just flies! I can't believe how fast night time goes...Like last night, I went to bed around mid-night, got to sleep OK and before I know it, my alarm was going off! Anyway, today's weather has been alright! Its as if we've got the back end of Summer! Oh and just so you know, the man in White...Or in other words "The Pope", has gone back home! So we don't have to worry about where our Council tax is going!

Anyway, onto the blog...Warner Brothers is working on a live-action "Pinocchio" movie. Producers say this will be a "fresh approach" to the fairy tale, inspired somehow by TIM BURTON'S "Alice in Wonderland". Disney's cartoon version from 1940 remains the standard... Although these days, just as many kids probably recognize Pinocchio as a minor character in the "Shrek" movies. FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA tried to make a live-action version of "Pinocchio" in the early '90s, but it fell through. He ended up suing the studio... Which, ironically, was Warner Brothers.. And winning $20 million. Crazy Italian star ROBERTO BENIGNI directed and starred in a live-action version in 2002. But critics tore it apart.

Now, believe it or not but yesterday was International Talk like a Pirate day...Seriously, no joke...But a pirate groom and his bride looked suitably hale and hearty as they tied the knot in full pirate regalia at a swashbuckling ceremony. Yep! Mind you, I bet it saved some money! Mik Ashfield and Vikki Ludlow donned extravagant costumes for their wedding in the historic smuggling village of Clovelly in Devon. Mr Ashfield dressed as Jack Sparrow and his new wife as Elizabeth Swann from Pirates Of The Caribbean.

Staff nurse Vikki, 35, from Kidlington, Oxfordshire, described herself as ‘barking mad’ on her Facebook page – but sweetly added she was ‘completely in love’ with Mr Ashfield. I like that! I think I might do something like that on my Wedding day...Maybe a NAKED wedding...Or maybe not! It might be cold outside and things will get smaller...Anyway, moving on!

They do some weird things in Germany...And here's some proof that they do...A German festival dedicated to celebrating all things pumpkiny has kicked off with a traditonal race - with competitors paddling giant, hollowed-out pumpkins across a lake. Yeah, very weird! I think there is something wrong with them! You don't see us British doing that! The raditional pumpkin race takes place as part of the Ludwigsburg Pumpkin Festival - which every year works to spread the joy of the world of pumpkins, in order to mark the start of the German pumpkin season.

The contestants in the pumpkin race have to paddle the huge, hollowed-out pumpkin across Ludwigsburg Castle lake - in front of the imposing backdrop and stately architecture of the former royal palace. Hell those Pumkins must have been big...I really need to find out who grew them because Halloween is just around the corner and I could do with one! Last year, I left it too late and I didn't manage to get one! The enormous pumpkins can weigh over 200lb (90kg) before having their tops cut off and their flesh scooped out to turn them into functioning boats. The pumpkin racing isn't the only element that makes up the pumpkin festival - pumpkin growers also compete in a more traditional 'grow the largest pumpkin' contest, which this year festival-goers have had the chance to look at a giant statue of a seahorse made out of pumpkins. Hell, I didn't know the Germans like their Pumpkins!

You now save the planet at the cost of a goldfish… I bet you think I'm mad...Just so you know, I'M NOT! An inventor wants you to save water with his creation; the “poor little fish sink” The “poor little fish sink” is a fishbowl complete with a live goldfish, with a tap & sink attached. Every time you use the tap, the fish has less water to swim in! The idea is, you’re made more aware of how much water you use and so will use less to save the fish! Ewwwwww! That means you'll be washing your hands in Fish poo...SICK! I don't think many cafe kitchen's will have this new sink in...